When I talk about self love, I’m talking about developing your relationship with – and to – your Self.
But what is the Self? Who is the self? And why develop that relationship?
Here’s what I believe, and what my life and work have shown me:
The Self is the unique, beautiful piece of you that is divinely created and has a true, meaningful purpose on this earth.
It is you in your purest essence. Unfiltered, deep, magic!
And those in relationship to and with Self understand the value of that magic.
They know how to listen to that little voice inside that raises a flag in warning or jumps up and down about something great. They respect that voice. Appreciate it as inner wisdom. Cultivate it for more understanding.
And as a result, they live with a belief that they can handle what comes their way, and an appreciation for the sense of calm that brings.
Those with less of – or no – relationship to Self are in a constant state of tension.
I know I was.
I didn’t have the ability to listen to my inner voice. I was too scared that it was at odds with those around me. But my inner voice always had something important to tell me – that I was being treated poorly, or I would benefit from speaking up for myself, or that the expectations placed on me were unreasonable!
So there was a constant push/pull … and I felt it as anxiety, experienced it as disconnect in my relationships, and dwelled in negativity. It’s no wonder why. I was always internally at odds with myself!
I’m guessing you know what I mean, and what that feels like. Maybe it shows up in these ways for you …?
- Being angry but feeling like you can’t say so.
- Wanting to speak up but not finding the words.
- Knowing you’re going along with what others want to keep the peace.
- Choosing to meet someone’s needs at your own expense.
It’s exhausting. And for me, it was very sad.
I want to point out that this disconnect is not always a dramatic inner experience, or a completely miserable existence.
A lot of it just feels kind of … normal. I found myself saying, “This is just the way life is. It’s hard and we can feel insecure and that’s all okay.”
And this is true!
But do you have a sense of something not being quite right? A general, “Something’s missing,” but don’t know what that is? A feeling of being a little lost, but pretty much okay?
That’s what I’m talking about. That’s your Self asking to be heard.
And the why of it all? The thing I’ve learned from my own life experiences and relationships and work?
You can read all the self-help books, and learn all the ways to say, “no,” and understand codependency or people pleasing or boundaries or a million other behaviors you want to change.
But if you don’t have a true sense of who you are, and you don’t value who you are, you won’t gain what you’re seeking from all of that.
- You won’t be able to consistently stop people pleasing if you don’t have a developed sense of respect for your own needs.
- You will take the back seat for others if you don’t see the value of your vision as a leader.
- You will practice setting a boundary but may not be able to enforce it because you’re unsure of your worth.
You will likely always have the sense that something is missing.
And that something is YOU.
This is why I do what I do. This is why I share what I share. This is what I believe my purpose on this earth is.
The Universe created you just as you were meant to be. You deserve to feel fulfilled. Complete. Allowed to feel and be beautifully you. You are good. You are worthy. You are magic!
What would change if you started connecting to that idea? To the real you? To your SELF?