What if instead of fearing that the truth might break you,
you considered it might break you open?SMD
What does honesty have to do with my fears? Lots.
First of all, for a long time, honesty wasn’t part of my life. Now, don’t get me wrong – I was a “good girl” and I always followed the rules and told the truth. I never stole or acted with malice. I went to confession and told the priest EVERYTHING.
And yet … I didn’t always tell my truth.
That’s different from the truth, right? To me, the truth is about the facts of a situation, while my truth is about an inner experience – unique to me – that gives meaning to the facts.
I never shared that one.
Sometimes that was because my environment didn’t want to hear it (or so I perceived); other times it was because I chose not to share it as a means of self-preservation.
Either way, I didn’t feel I could tell the real story of what was going on inside of me because it didn’t feel safe, so I stopped listening to what that actually was. Over time, my truth, my realness, how I honestly felt and what I deeply wanted … all of that started to erode like sand pulled out with the tide, day in and day out.
So, fear stopped honesty from being part of my story. In fact, I avoided it completely.
I lived for so very long in denial of what was happening:
- when I was growing up and didn’t share my feelings.
- when I was sacrificing myself to stay in a relationship just so I wouldn’t be alone.
- when I over drank, ate, slept, shared.
- when I was so codependent I didn’t know who I was without my partner.
I lived from a completely untruthful place about who I really was, what I was really doing, and what needs I was ignoring or meeting. Willingly.
I wonder if any of this resonates with you.
Do you have fears that have kept you from being honest about YOUR truth? What do feel you might lose if you start being honest? How terrifying is it to even consider such things?
I want to offer you this thought. Part of the journey from fear to honesty is remembering this very critical thing: fear is meant to help us survive, but it’s not always meant to be in charge.
Consider that embracing honesty – not just parts of your story or pieces of you – is what will allow you to get rid of the fear and closer to freedom.
It takes time, and often help, to get there. This is a journey, and you’ll likely need someone to support you as you learn to take steps toward your Self and your truth. It’s also a bonus to have deep validation as you do this work, which a professional like me can offer.
Whichever strategy you use to get from fear to honesty, I can tell you without a doubt that the truth really does set you free.
Full disclosure – it’s been scary for me. Devastating too. It broke me open, big time. I cried, and hid, and felt angry, despondent, and lost. I wondered if I would ever feel okay again.
But it didn’t break me.
The honesty, as painful as it has been, has cleared out the space in my heart that said I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to care for others to matter and know who I was, that without serving and anticipating (and ignoring my Self in the process), I had no purpose.
And once that was cleared out, I had an opening for the truth in my story to show up.
- That the things I did were amazingly adaptive and smart coping mechanisms, but I didn’t have to choose them anymore.
- That my purpose is indeed service to others … but not at the expense of my Self.
- That I do not have to fear judgement by the outside world because I know who I am.
- That I am worthy of all I desire and do not have to feel guilty for having needs.
- That my worth is inherent, and not dependent on anything at all. It just is. I am worthy.
The breaking led to the opening.
I wonder what might happen if you looked at honesty the same way. Full of possibility and freedom. Full of power. Waiting for you.
Sit with that possibility for a moment and see if it calls to you. You’re allowed to go get it.